Short thoughts

The Italians are upset that Tesco's are selling a lasagne sandwich.

Apparently it's just the latest slight on the country's cuisine, other "delights" include polenta from Montenegro, German "salami", Swedish fontina, Californian Chianti and "parmesan" from Romania.
I'm upset that Tesco's are selling a lasagne sandwich too. Mainly because I think it'll be a huge seller. Sadly.

 What's next?

A parrot 'working' for Colombian gangsters has been arrested after police discovered that it had been trained to squawk the words "Run, run, you are going to get caught" if and when the police ever arrived on the scene

Apparently they cops also managed to arrest a couple of men at the same time, but Lorenzo was obviously the real prize. Get your "jail bird" jokes at the ready.

Drunk rescued after getting stuck in recycling bin

It's a great headline isn't it?

A dog walker heard cries of 'help' coming from a clothes recycling bin outside Great Wakering Sports Centre, in Great Wakering, Essex, at 6.30am on Saturday.

The man, believed to be Lithuanian and described as 'drunk', climbed into the metal bin on his way home because he was cold - but got stuck inside.

Described as "drunk"? No shit, really? That's natural selection in action right there

"Drunk? How dare you"