Stuff that pops into my head. Innit.

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Oxymoron

An oxymoron is a phrase that contains an element of self-defeating contradiction. Like "Australian table manners", or "German sense of humour" or "Local Liverpool fan" or "people who use the word 'oxymoron' and who aren't also just a little bit irritating and likely to suddenly dip into the appropriate foreign accent while pronouncing foreign words, as in 'I think I'll have the broos-ketta'".
Another example: "Arsenal goalkeeper".
It's not so much that Arsenal have no goalkeeper, more that the word "keeper" seems wrong here. Perhaps a better alternative would be "Arsenal goal-stander", or "Arsenal goal-curator", or simply a footnote to make it clear that "keeper" is being used in the same sense as "park keeper" or "game keeper", to denote someone who tends and oversees, who puts the towels in the corner and stamps down divots.

Having said that, I've always kind of liked current No1 Manuel Almunia, in particular his mournful facial expression which makes him look at all times like a man who has just been told his budgie has died. This special look was on constant display last Saturday, when Almunia was blamed for at least one of West Brom's goals, most notably the one where his attempt to deflect the ball to safety via a spectacular on-field tribute to the moment in Grease where Danny Zuko drops to his knees while jiving at the Rydell High dance ended up backfiring a little.

Dead budgie alert


Sadly, it's more bad news for Manuel as he is now injured and unable to play in the Arse's Champions League trip to Serbia to play Partizan Belgrade.
"We have Manuel Almunia out," Arsene Wenger said. "He has a problem with his elbow. He caught it when he made the penalty on Saturday." Which was, of course, the only thing he caught on Saturday. Asked if his goalkeeper had been dropped Wenger clenched his fists Scrappy Doo-style while deliberately rolling up a single shirtsleeve and replied: "We win together and we lose together even if people think he made a mistake on the second goal," saying the last bit really quickly and in a quiet voice.

"No, I'm totally happy with Almunia"


Good news, though, for Arsenal fans relieved to be relieved of a flailing goalkeeper with an angular haircut and a habit of waggling his arms about before crumpling in a heap and then sadly retrieving the ball from the back of his own net: Lukasz Fabianski is primed and ready to step in. Oh.

"Hey, they're not allowed to kick it at me are they?"


2 comments:

Tom Millson said...

I prefer to think of Almunia as a "Goalpost Attendant".

And speaking of budgies, ever seen the last three series of Waterloo Road? One of the teachers looks like one.

http://bit.ly/duZXWn

fizzee rascal said...

Haha, she actually does look like a budgie. Brilliant.