Liechtenstein

Liechtenstein has had some lows in its time: constantly getting mixed up with Luxembourg; having a pointless "e" as its third letter; and that time back in the early 90s when an epic battle between 100-foot tall mutant firebreathing kestrels laid waste to its wine industry. I may have made that last bit up.

But last night came the mother of all balls-ups as Liechtenstein lost to little-known minnows Scotland in the Euro 2012 qualifiers.
Admittedly Scotland do have some international pedigree, having once scored a good goal against Holland in the 1978 World Cup, but they're also the team responsible for that draw with the Faroe Islands, that other draw with the Faroe Islands, that loss to Costa Rica that Nigel Quashie, and those Andy Gorams.

Understandably, after coming from behind to beat a team that was superior to them for much of the match, Scotland coach Craig Levein was jubilant. "It can be a turning point because there is a big difference between two and four points," cheered Levein, displaying his head for figures. "I am a happy man, the stats show we are top [of our qualifying group] and that is the most important thing."

Meanwhile, Scotland captain Darren Fletcher revealed what it is that makes Liechtenstein such a dangerous force in international football: their use of tactics never seen before on the field of play. "To lose the goal was really disappointing and it was a real battle from then on," bleated Fletcher, whose fans booed the Liechtenstein anthem because it uses the same tune as God Save the Queen. (not the Sex Pistols version, although I can't help but think it would have been greatly improved if it was.)
Battling? Getting men behind the ball? No wonder it took your team until the 354th minute to score the winner. Its the kind of chicanery a guild of thieves would be proud of, Darren. Next time just get the firebreathing kestrels on the Liechtensteiners, they hate that kind of thing.

"Is that a fire breathing Kestrel? "