The Marshmallow Mforcer Semi-Automatic Pistol

Yes, really. I could go on about its shiny plastic body, the feel of the trigger, or its shots per second, but none of that matters. What matters is that the Marshmallow Mforcer ($40) is a pump-action semi-automatic pistol that shoots mini marshmallows, storing up to 15 at a time for full-on co-worker assaults. What d'you mean stop eating all the ammo?

Music Time.

Dennis Hopper RIP

It's so long to one of my favourite actors, dieing after a long battle with cancer, aged 74.

Most people will remember him for Easy Rider or Blue Velvet, but my favourite roles of his were his Texan hitman Lyle in Red Rock West, and his cameo as Christian Slater's dad in True Romance. Check them out if you can.

Umbrella....ella........ella

Excuse the crap song reference, and feast your eyes on this. Picture an umbrella in your mind, and chances are you will think about a black coloured one, right? Not so with UK-based Squid London who recently sold out of a limited edition collection of umbrellas that uses hydrochromatic inks. These inks are able to change their colour when wet, and that makes them cool-well it makes them cool to me, ok?


Check out Squid Londons' other designs.

Old people and the web

This poor old dude got a shock when he was inundated with porn sites while innocently searching for the answer to a crossword clue. Sadly the clue was "wild asian ass". I'm so going to use that. "What? No dear, I was looking for information about Chinese donkeys-These 100's of images of naked Thai women are purely an innocent mistake"

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2990390/Web-porn-But-I-was-only-after-br-wild-Asian-ass.html

The ass in question

The "Porcupine" Coffee Table

I love this, and it's made by an obviously very talented guy-the rest of his stuff is brilliant too. Go here to see more.

BYOB

I was just listening to the above named song by System of a Down when I heard the line 

"Why don’t presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?"

Well, duh. For a start it's dangerous, and the rich are usually busy playing golf or exploiting the 3rd world, shit like that.

Here's the song in question

Edible crayons

Do you know someone a bit....erm......"special" ? I do. (I know loads of people who could be considered a bit "special" actually, but that's another story) Anyway, I may just have found the perfect birthday/Christmas gift for them. I give you........(Drum roll) edible crayons.

For the window licker who has everything.

More here

A joke

There are only 11 types of people in the world.

Those that understand binary and those who dont.

Spartacus

This is about the TV series, not the old Stanley Kubrick/Kirk Douglas action movie and after seeing the trailers for the past week or so on Bravo ( a satellite TV channel here in the UK) I was looking forward to this a little bit. It's done very much in the style of 300-no bad thing, because 300, despite of Gerard Butlers' overacting, looked great- and this seems to have a least a hint of watchability about it, a rare thing on TV lately. I'll update you on episode 2 next week.

An Award no less

Look at this, the kind lady Amber over at http://scrappinamber.blogspot.com/ has bestowed this prestigious (!) and frankly unexpected honour upon me. I'd like to thank my wife, my children, my manager.....oh, sorry.

Apparently I have to tell 6 outrageous lies and one truth, and you guys have to tell which is which-could be quite hard.

1. My middle name is Jose
2. Piri-Piri chicken is my favourite thing ever.
3. Despite about half of this blog being about football/soccer, my real sporting love is Rugby League.
4. I drink a bottle of armagnac a week.
5. Buffy The Vampire Slayer is my favourite TV show ever.
6. I think tattoos look ridiculous.
7. I drive a Toyota Prius

That was really difficult-it would have been much easier to do 6 outrageous truths and one lie.
Guess right and I'll pass the award on to your blog.

Paul Gray

The Slipknot bassist has passed away aged 38. Rockstars seem to be dropping like flies at the moment

Music Time.

Inter -v- Bayern, part 2

Well, Inter won 2-0 easily enough, the germans gameplan seemed to be "give it to Robben, hope he can do something exciting."  To be fair to Bayern, that tactic has worked several times already so it was probably worth another shot, although the absence of Franck Ribery was crucial, it allowed Zanetti and Cambiasso to double up whenever the Dutchman had the ball.

Here's Milito's 2nd goal, a thing of beauty

Inter -v- Bayern

Today is the final of the Champions League, and it might be a decent game for once.

My Prediction : Inter 3-1 Bayern

The Paris art theft.

One man wanders into a museum, removes 5 canvasses -including a Picasso and a Matisse- from their frames, and wanders back out. Brilliant.

Btw, I really like the Picasso he nicked, here it is

Here's the full story http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_france_museum_theft

David Villa

It's been announced today that he's going to join Barcelona for £34.2 million. Yeah, they need him, they're not very good at the moment are they?

Bacon.

Not just bacon though, oh no, salami, ham, sausages and almost every other type of processed random meaty product is going to kill you. No, really, it is.

From Reuters

"Eating bacon, sausage, hot dogs and other processed meats can raise the risk of heart disease and diabetes, U.S. researchers said on Monday in a study that identifies the real bad boys of the meat counter. Eating unprocessed beef, pork or lamb appeared not to raise risks of heart attacks and diabetes, they said, suggesting that salt and chemical preservatives may be the real cause of these two health problems associated with eating meat.
The study, an analysis of other research called a meta-analysis, did not look at high blood pressure or cancer, which are also linked with high meat consumption.
"To lower risk of heart attacks and diabetes, people should consider which types of meats they are eating," said Renata Micha of the Harvard School of Public Health, whose study appears in the journal Circulation.
"Processed meats such as bacon, salami, sausages, hot dogs and processed deli meats may be the most important to avoid," Micha said in a statement.
Based on her findings, she said people who eat one serving per week or less of processed meats have less of a risk.
The American Meat Institute objected to the findings, saying it was only one study and that it stands in contrast to other studies and the U.S. Dietary Guidelines for Americans.
"At best, this hypothesis merits further study. It is certainly no reason for dietary changes," James Hodges, president of the American Meat Institute, said in a statement.
Most dietary guidelines recommend eating less meat. Individual studies looking at relationships between eating meat and cardiovascular diseases and diabetes have had mixed results.
But studies rarely look for differences in risk between processed and unprocessed red meats, Micha said.
She and colleagues did a systematic review of nearly 1,600 studies from around the world looking for evidence of a link between eating processed and unprocessed red meat and the risk of heart disease and diabetes.
They defined processed meat as any meat preserved by smoking, curing or salting, or with the addition of chemical preservatives. Meats in this category included bacon, salami, sausages, hot dogs or processed deli or luncheon meats.
Unprocessed red meat included beef, lamb or pork but not poultry.
They found that on average, each 1.8 oz (50 grams) daily serving of processed meat a day -- one to two slices of deli meats or one hot dog -- was associated with a 42 percent higher risk of heart disease and a 19 percent higher risk of developing diabetes.
They found no higher heart or diabetes risk in people who ate only unprocessed red meats.
The team adjusted for a number of factors, including how much meat people ate. They said lifestyle factors were similar between those who ate processed and unprocessed meats.
"When we looked at average nutrients in unprocessed red and processed meats eaten in the United States, we found that they contained similar average amounts of saturated fat and cholesterol," Micha said.
"In contrast, processed meats contained, on average, four times more sodium and 50 percent more nitrate preservatives," Micha added.
Last month, the Institute of Medicine urged the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to regulate the amount of salt added to foods to help Americans cut their high sodium intake.
The FDA has not yet said whether it will regulate salt in foods, but it is looking at the issue."

Boooo, someone pass the celery. :(

Scream if you know the answer

The latest televisual delight from the sunny UK ( I can still see snow on the mountains in the distance) is the above titled blockbuster. The frankly astonishing premise for this is that they get "celebrities" (and I use the term very loosely - I spotted Amir Khan, Phil Tufnell and Jordan(!) - To do various inane shite whilst on rollercoasters. I'm not even making this up-although I realise it does sound as if I am.
Frankly the only thing that would make this worth watching is if it was leaked that there was an accident on one of the rides and Miss Price plummeted headfirst into the concrete below.

Here's a taster for you.

RIP Ronnie Dio

Not really my sort of stuff, but he was a great singer

Steampunk Headphones

How cool are these? You can insert your Sennheisers into any orifice you wish.

Converations with my daughter

Me: "How am I embarrassing?"

Her: "How are you not embarrassing?"

Her: "50 years is a long time to be a motherfucker"

Me: (Laughing) "I suppose it is, yes"

Chelsea 1-0 Portsmouth

Well Chelsea won, but not by the expected landslide. Chelsea managed to hit the woodwork 5 times, and also missed a penalty and Kalou managed to miss an open goal-so they deserved to win.

It's FA Cup final day

And it's Chelsea, who have a billionaire owner, have just won the league and have some of the worlds best players, against Portsmouth, who have none of these things and in fact have been relegated. So it's looking like a routine victory for Chelsea. Sadly.

My prediction: Portsmouth 2-5 Chelsea

Music Time.

A great video today, great song too.

Hi all

I'm doing this post under instruction from my youngest daughter who is preparing for her senior ball next month, and feels that her shoes for this event are worthy of a blog post in their own right (she's right), so here they are.

Ps. She also has flats and a bag to match them.

Erm.....ok

From the Belfast Telegraph.

"A 60-year-old is due to stand trial charged with breaching an Asbo which bans him from dressing up as a schoolgirl.
Peter Trigger was given the five-year Asbo in December 2008 after waiting near a primary school in the town dressed as a schoolgirl."

Read more: http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/schoolgirl-outfit-accused-on-trial-for-asbo-breach-14793956.html#ixzz0niHT5TAT

 

I love this pic

 

 

  Pmsl, what a lunatic

Hi

Having a new puppy is like having a toddler* around-not much time to do anything else-I'll try and get some more interesting stuff up later.

* A toddler that can run at 50 mph, eats the floor and keeps nipping you, that is.

Music Time.

Everton 1-0 Portsmouth

The last game of the league season and we sign off with a win. Shocking game, but a brilliant goal from the Russian with the unpronounceable name

Anyone got any spare change?

It's just been announced that a 1936 Bugatti type 57 Atlantic has been sold for "between $30-$40Million"
It's a beautiful car - a piece of art even - but when are you ever going to drive a car worth that much? Imagine leaving that outside Starbucks and coming out to find someone's scratched it.

In case you don't know what one looks like, here it is.

The Sun

A headline from this week in one of the worlds least newsworthy newspapers.

"Harry vs The Taliban"

I can't help thinking that young Mr.Potter might have bitten off more than he can chew this time.

D-day.

D as in Dog. Today we picked up our new pup, now called Chi. She's had a trip to the vet, plenty of food, and is currently trying to eat her own bed.

Nude, Green Leaves and Bust

It sounds a bit like a fun night out, doesn't it? It is however the title of a painting by Pablo Picasso which has just become the worlds' most expensive at $106.4 million. One hundred and six point four million dollars (US). Is it worth it? As much as anything can be worth that amount, I suppose it is-the real shame here though is that it'll go into a private collection and not seen until it comes up for auction again- and not in a museum where everyone could see it.

So long "Fast" Eddie

A long time internet buddy of mine has died suddenly at the young age of 58. He fell and hit his head apparently.

So long dude, I'll see you in the next life and we'll have a beer and talk things over.

Keane

I've always hated this band and I've finally worked out why. The other day I was sitting with my back to the TV and a song I didn't know came on - "This is quite good" I thought to myself - so I turned around, and to my frankly enormous surprise it was this




Not bad, is it? I then noticed that I was enjoying it far more when I couldn't see it.
It's the singers' face. No, really, it is. He puts me off with his "I've just been hit in the face with a skillet" looks. Sorry.

Here's the singer from Keane sometime in the past, just after being hit in the face by an object marked "Le Creuset"

I think I'm in love (again)

Mayweather -v- Mosley pt.2

As I predicted, Mayweather did win on points and seemed to get stronger as the fight progressed. "Sugar" wasn't completely outclassed and caused Floyd a few problems early on - but he didn't look as if he had the conditioning to go too long. I still think Pacquiao would beat Mayweather.

Oh, and Liverpool have just lost. At home. Again. :)

Mayweather -v- Mosley

Tonight sees a much anticipated clash between two of the finest boxers of recent years. In the absence of Mayweather/Pacquiao, this is the best we could hope for.

My prediction : Mayweather on points.