Because Everton started the football season in their traditional manner -by losing- I'm going to ignore that and give you something else instead -well a couple of things, actually.
Transfer window highlights so far
April: Paddy Kenny says the way Sheffield United backed him when he failed a drug test was emotional. "I just owe the club my career. Everybody here has stood by me. I can't repay them enough."
June: Rejects new United contract. Joins QPR.
Paddy Kenny yesterday, just after noticing his superman impression was shit
February: Kenwyne Jones says he'd only leave Sunderland for "one of the world's biggest clubs". "If one of them comes in for you you might want to go to that next level ... but I have never given any indication that I want to leave or anything like that. The stories are so far-fetched. People know how committed I am to Sunderland."
August: Joins Stoke.
Kenwyne Jones yesterday, just after realising he'd joined Stoke
Best hands-off warning:
Inter, July, reassuring fans: "It's true that every day we are receiving calls ... But Mario Balotelli is priceless. He is not on the market. He will stay with us 100%."
August: Joins Manchester City
Mario Balotelli, yesterday, just after he found out how much City were going to pay him
1 August: Christian Poulsen's agent. "The newspapers have no link to reality. Let me close this saga once and for all. He is staying in Turin. The constant stories make us tired. Christian will not join Liverpool. "
12 August: Christian joins Liverpool, presumably because of something massively horrendous he did in a previous life, the poor bloke
Christian Poulsen yesterday, just after realising he'd joined Liverpool